it is always strange when you move to a new place. and maybe this post will be somewhat repetitive but i must speak my mind. you never quite know when you fit in. you never quite know how much of an effort to make. at least i don't.
i'm not very good at meeting people. making friends. being personable. then again. maybe i am. it is just that i feel uncomfortable in situations where i know no one. maybe it is a confidence issue. something i should work on. that's more than likely what it is.
i tribute my need for confidence to a season of growth. a season of learning. i feel like the season is changing, and that i am entering this new season a more mature, more responsible, better, and stronger person.
i am just not sure the confidence is there. i guess that comes with time. we will wait and see.
change is occurring in my life on a daily basis. but it is all relative. it is what i, what we, what drew and i, make of it. i am so excited for this change but i feel like it is missing something.
community. we are still striving to find and to build a community here in the mountains. we are searching for a church home, after leaving one that we so dearly loved. we compare everything to reality. when reality should be the spiritual growth and sense of community we gain from a group of people we call church. our 'reality' can be anywhere...
god is still working. still growing. still teaching. still learning us. and will be for a long time. the community. the confidence. and all of the blessing come from him. and only HIM.
i am reaching out. praying. asking for community. for confidence. for time management. for wise decisions. for our lords guidance and blessing over everything we do and every decision we make.
the seasons are changing.
and i am most excited....
for fall is my favorite.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
life is a wonderful adventure
life is an adventure.
unpredictable.
fascinating.
excruciating.
but most importantly, a truly amazing blessing.
for the last couple of months. our life has been the opposite of normal. and the normalcy of "real" life, whatever that may be, was something i had been deeply longing for. searching for. reaching for.
it is hard to believe we have been in denver only two and a half weeks. it already feels like home. i was blessed to be offered two jobs immediately, and am settling into a full time position at an urgent care clinic. drew has been offered two positions, one as a back-up security guard on the seminary campus and the other as an on-call janitor, also on the campus.
we are truly at peace. peace with where we are. peace with calling the denver area home. peace with almost everything...
i started classes today. and it was truly the hardest thing. the usually apprehension that begets the first day of any school semester was noticeably absent. maybe its because i am growing up. maybe its because i have learned a lot in the past year and what i learned has made me a more confident and strong individual. amazing how life changes you without you having the slightest clue.
besides the absenteeism of apprehension, i was missing one other thing today.
people.
it wasn't for the lack of human bodies - 90,000 between the three schools located on auraria campus - strolling the sidewalks. it was my people. or those who i like to call my people. my closest friends. the ones who would drop everything for you. the ones who i haven't seen since january.
it was the strangest feeling to be in a classroom setting without them. its been the strangest feeling this last year or so to not have them as an every day part of my life. but i was somewhat secure in knowing that each and every one of them contributed to the person who i have become.
so heres to you kyle, rebekah, emily, amanda, april, jon, daniel, pickle, steven, katie, jamie... our original transfer cult. and the special people we let in.
life is different without you.
but life is a wonderful adventure.
unpredictable.
fascinating.
excruciating.
but most importantly, a truly amazing blessing.
for the last couple of months. our life has been the opposite of normal. and the normalcy of "real" life, whatever that may be, was something i had been deeply longing for. searching for. reaching for.
it is hard to believe we have been in denver only two and a half weeks. it already feels like home. i was blessed to be offered two jobs immediately, and am settling into a full time position at an urgent care clinic. drew has been offered two positions, one as a back-up security guard on the seminary campus and the other as an on-call janitor, also on the campus.
we are truly at peace. peace with where we are. peace with calling the denver area home. peace with almost everything...
i started classes today. and it was truly the hardest thing. the usually apprehension that begets the first day of any school semester was noticeably absent. maybe its because i am growing up. maybe its because i have learned a lot in the past year and what i learned has made me a more confident and strong individual. amazing how life changes you without you having the slightest clue.
besides the absenteeism of apprehension, i was missing one other thing today.
people.
it wasn't for the lack of human bodies - 90,000 between the three schools located on auraria campus - strolling the sidewalks. it was my people. or those who i like to call my people. my closest friends. the ones who would drop everything for you. the ones who i haven't seen since january.
it was the strangest feeling to be in a classroom setting without them. its been the strangest feeling this last year or so to not have them as an every day part of my life. but i was somewhat secure in knowing that each and every one of them contributed to the person who i have become.
so heres to you kyle, rebekah, emily, amanda, april, jon, daniel, pickle, steven, katie, jamie... our original transfer cult. and the special people we let in.
life is different without you.
but life is a wonderful adventure.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
olympia...it's all about the coffee
it has been quite some time. quite sometime since i have taken the time to write down my thoughts. quite sometime since i have taken some time to process my thoughts. quite some time.
a season has come and gone, just as the rain (for atleast one more day) here in the pacific northwest. a season that has brought about both welcome, and very unwelcome change. a season of growing. a season of sharing. a season of learning and opening up.
a season in which, when we were at our deepest despair, our Father humbled us and using his children, his tools, picked us up... shook off the dirt....and told us we were going to be ok.
the last few months have been a rollercoaster ride, one that was seemingly stuck upside down with us as passengers in panic. maybe that suspension i have been in is a reasoning for my lack of ponderment.
i have been wondering lately if i will ever look back on the events of that last few months and smile.
on the inside. maybe.
on the outside...
i really doubt it.
it hasn't been easy but i've learned so much. we've learned so much. drew and i have grown together and learned what unity truly means.
i've learned that its ok to ask for help. you can't always do it on your own. i've learned that sometimes role reversal can do a lot to build a marriage. i've learned that i really can hate the rain and that lack of sunshine seriously depresses people. i've learned that sunshine turns washingtonians into animals (some fully clothed, some not, some with transparent bikinis, others with speedos). i've learned that popcorn and american idol is the best date night ever and that sometimes just a drive and a cool breeze is all you need. i've learned that a walk in the woods will clear your mind and a day by the lake is all you need to feel human again. i've learned that you can create coffee concoctions that are better than batdorf or starbucks and that sometimes if you combine the cans of what not in your cupboard and put it over rice, it is amazingly good. i've learned the kids will come back and the word will spread and that sometimes change works out better than you think it would. i've learned that it is always good to befriend a seamstress and better to learn to sew yourself. i've learned that one year olds will bite your ear, headbutt you, kick you, and scream no in your face... but will always make you smile two minutes later.
i've learned that really do love olympia and living downtown.
this is a bittersweet season of change. it is time for us to go. it is time to pass the torch onto someone else. God has bigger plans. for others and for us.
and while it is exciting to move on to the next season of our lives, there is some part of me that likes the security of what we have built these last few months. a security that was based upon a true lack of financial security. a security that forced us to build a new marriage centered soley on Him and depending on no one but our Father.
i look forward to the lessons that we will continue to learn. the adventures that we will continue to have. and the seasons that will be everchanging within our lives.
Olympia...it really is all about the coffee
a season has come and gone, just as the rain (for atleast one more day) here in the pacific northwest. a season that has brought about both welcome, and very unwelcome change. a season of growing. a season of sharing. a season of learning and opening up.
a season in which, when we were at our deepest despair, our Father humbled us and using his children, his tools, picked us up... shook off the dirt....and told us we were going to be ok.
the last few months have been a rollercoaster ride, one that was seemingly stuck upside down with us as passengers in panic. maybe that suspension i have been in is a reasoning for my lack of ponderment.
i have been wondering lately if i will ever look back on the events of that last few months and smile.
on the inside. maybe.
on the outside...
i really doubt it.
it hasn't been easy but i've learned so much. we've learned so much. drew and i have grown together and learned what unity truly means.
i've learned that its ok to ask for help. you can't always do it on your own. i've learned that sometimes role reversal can do a lot to build a marriage. i've learned that i really can hate the rain and that lack of sunshine seriously depresses people. i've learned that sunshine turns washingtonians into animals (some fully clothed, some not, some with transparent bikinis, others with speedos). i've learned that popcorn and american idol is the best date night ever and that sometimes just a drive and a cool breeze is all you need. i've learned that a walk in the woods will clear your mind and a day by the lake is all you need to feel human again. i've learned that you can create coffee concoctions that are better than batdorf or starbucks and that sometimes if you combine the cans of what not in your cupboard and put it over rice, it is amazingly good. i've learned the kids will come back and the word will spread and that sometimes change works out better than you think it would. i've learned that it is always good to befriend a seamstress and better to learn to sew yourself. i've learned that one year olds will bite your ear, headbutt you, kick you, and scream no in your face... but will always make you smile two minutes later.
i've learned that really do love olympia and living downtown.
this is a bittersweet season of change. it is time for us to go. it is time to pass the torch onto someone else. God has bigger plans. for others and for us.
and while it is exciting to move on to the next season of our lives, there is some part of me that likes the security of what we have built these last few months. a security that was based upon a true lack of financial security. a security that forced us to build a new marriage centered soley on Him and depending on no one but our Father.
i look forward to the lessons that we will continue to learn. the adventures that we will continue to have. and the seasons that will be everchanging within our lives.
Olympia...it really is all about the coffee
Sunday, January 4, 2009
i put you on just like a wedding dress
six days.
six days until the end, or beginning, of my life as i know it.
i am not in control. i never have been. i would like to think i have been. but i haven't.
that is an issue for me.
but as i said, i am learning.
...very slowly....
i am learning to live. i am learning to love. i am learning to compromise, communicate, encourage, and motivate. i am growing with every step i take. and i love it, but i have no idea where it is leading me. i have no idea where God is leading me. i think that is because no matter how mature i would like to think my faith is, it reverts back to immaturity at the snap of a finger. and there i am shoving God behind a door, using him when i need him... being cheap.
i put God on just like a wedding dress.
i use him when i need him and don't when i don't...
and it is hard to change old habits. very hard.
but i am trying.
saturday brings a new season. a new beginning. a new family. a new relationship.
i am excited, not nervous, anxious to be a wife. anxious to put on that wedding dress.
i am ready to be a bride. to be a bride to drew. and to be a bride to christ as He called us.
i am ready to make that commitment and to grow with it.
six days until the end, or beginning, of my life as i know it.
i am not in control. i never have been. i would like to think i have been. but i haven't.
that is an issue for me.
but as i said, i am learning.
...very slowly....
i am learning to live. i am learning to love. i am learning to compromise, communicate, encourage, and motivate. i am growing with every step i take. and i love it, but i have no idea where it is leading me. i have no idea where God is leading me. i think that is because no matter how mature i would like to think my faith is, it reverts back to immaturity at the snap of a finger. and there i am shoving God behind a door, using him when i need him... being cheap.
i put God on just like a wedding dress.
i use him when i need him and don't when i don't...
and it is hard to change old habits. very hard.
but i am trying.
saturday brings a new season. a new beginning. a new family. a new relationship.
i am excited, not nervous, anxious to be a wife. anxious to put on that wedding dress.
i am ready to be a bride. to be a bride to drew. and to be a bride to christ as He called us.
i am ready to make that commitment and to grow with it.
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