Life is an adventure.....
or so it would seem.
i have spent the last three months living in east oakland, working for an organization that i am familiar with and love, working for people who are friends, not just bosses, working in a city in which the sin, depression, darkness, and need is completely evident by opening your front door.
i have spent the last three months in a stalemate.
if i moved one square to the right, i would be in check - one square to the left, life would be in check - and then we would dance all over again. for three months, there was no victor. for three months, i danced but refused to commit to a God that was calling on me passionately to realize he was here.
Our Lord is beyond faithful. He is full of Grace and Mercy. He is with us every step of the way. I realize this...
or do i?
the last three months have been spent waiting on january tenth to get here. the last three months have been spent learning what the words patience, humility, and servant really mean.
the last three months have been the best and worst of my entire life. i have cried when i should have laughed, i have laughed when i should have cried... i have stood still and listened when i should have spoken up, and i have ignored the words of my Father when i should have listened.
the last three months have simutaneously encouraged and discouraged me. they have confirmed my thoughts that i am bi-polar and immediately diluted those by the realization of the fact that i am just human. i am 23. i am a college graduate. i am 23 days away from embarking on the greatest journey of my entire life....
marriage.
i left seattle on a rainy day in the beginning of october to embark on a three month calling to the bay area, a calling which i believed was to be a servant to others. To spend three months serving people that I loved, and taking some stress off of them during a season in which life change was inevitable.
God is a funny like that.
i think he knew i would never come to Oakland if i knew his plan. i think he knew i would run away and hide; go to europe. elope. get an apartment in west olympia and live in sin until january.
oh yeah. god is hilarious.
so, i came to oakland in october to be a servant, i leave next week a humbled and restored person. fearing very little, and prepared to take a leap of faith, marry the man that i love more than anything else in the world, and begin a new adventure in olympia, washington, together. God used the last three months to mold me, shape me, renew my spirit, and create in me the ability to be a wife. the ability to be humble. the ability to be patient. the ability to be a servant. god always knows the people you are going to need in your life.... when and where....
and they are there. no matter how much you fight. no matter how much you try to run the other way.
you see, friends, i am a pistol it would seem. i like to fire in all different directions, at unreasonable times. god uses me that way. i am sure of it.
because he knows and will always know the direction he needs to aim me, the people he needs to shoot me at, and when to pull the trigger.
i'm learning to turn my safety off. my safety that is control. my safety that isn't so easily given up. but that's for a different day. and something that is not easily done.
for now, i'm a pistol it seems.
